i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
