Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
