4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
