No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
