Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
