Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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