HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
