Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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