Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
