If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
