Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
