it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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