just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
