If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
