she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
