At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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