You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
