He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
