My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
