oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Dick very happy bro
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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