I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?