You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You can't motorboat a personality
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.