Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He shit in the fireplace
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
