Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.

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  (415): Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were. http://tfl.nu/n6mv
  Replies (1) Good night (1198) Bad night (535)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.

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  (712): I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well. http://tfl.nu/yae3
  Replies (2) Good night (2168) Bad night (818)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...

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  (540): so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it... http://tfl.nu/rkx1
  Replies (66) Good night (1470) Bad night (7190)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.

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  (904): The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him. http://tfl.nu/fka6
  Replies (12) Good night (6544) Bad night (1602)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.

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  (615): Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night. http://tfl.nu/5pdk
  Replies (13) Good night (3991) Bad night (999)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay

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  (647): Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay http://tfl.nu/st3m
  Replies (5) Good night (2981) Bad night (849)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night

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  (+44): Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night http://tfl.nu/2ujl
  Replies (2) Good night (2091) Bad night (1030)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.

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  (337): I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe. http://tfl.nu/8iw1
  Replies (13) Good night (2894) Bad night (1115)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.

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  (443): Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now. http://tfl.nu/3e9p
  Replies (6) Good night (2175) Bad night (735)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks

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  (253): I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks http://tfl.nu/tvej
  Replies (11) Good night (1161) Bad night (635)
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  (516): View more from New York

  yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...

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  (516): yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye... http://tfl.nu/3it0
  Replies (2) Good night (874) Bad night (552)
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  (714): View more from California

  How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?

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  (714): How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot? http://tfl.nu/pt30
  Replies (2) Good night (963) Bad night (350)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.

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  (541): If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick. http://tfl.nu/cd0z
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (339)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens

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  (+61): So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens http://tfl.nu/ihud
  Replies (3) Good night (544) Bad night (538)
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  (212): View more from New York

  We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?

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  (212): We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay? http://tfl.nu/9bs2
  Replies (2) Good night (847) Bad night (197)

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