Texts From Last Night

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  (478): View more from Georgia

  Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Try anal, it works wonders.

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  (478): Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week. (706): Try anal, it works wonders. http://tfl.nu/shua
  Replies (21) Good night (933) Bad night (2622)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.

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  (541): im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine. http://tfl.nu/y6yn
  Replies (10) Good night (4105) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal

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  (267): i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal http://tfl.nu/wd7r
  Replies (18) Good night (1408) Bad night (4060)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.

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  (631): Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick. http://tfl.nu/pj3f
  Replies (12) Good night (3999) Bad night (1040)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning

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  (904): to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning http://tfl.nu/efma
  Replies (8) Good night (1127) Bad night (2758)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.

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  (801): He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me. http://tfl.nu/9uhs
  Replies (33) Good night (6174) Bad night (1778)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.

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  (619): By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time. http://tfl.nu/je0g
  Replies (14) Good night (2565) Bad night (947)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.

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  (403): I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here. http://tfl.nu/2ffm
  Replies (4) Good night (1209) Bad night (514)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday

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  (414): Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday http://tfl.nu/gou8
  Replies (1) Good night (1417) Bad night (441)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.

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  (678): I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment. http://tfl.nu/mk4n
  Replies (5) Good night (413) Bad night (1046)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  Also, beer. Big fan.

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  (256): Also, beer. Big fan. http://tfl.nu/g295
  Replies (1) Good night (776) Bad night (277)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high

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  (408): Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high http://tfl.nu/gssl
  Replies (0) Good night (498) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??

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  (716): Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again?? http://tfl.nu/md65
  Replies (4) Good night (347) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?

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  (214): As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight? http://tfl.nu/olih
  Replies (4) Good night (770) Bad night (281)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.

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  (586): So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it. http://tfl.nu/xov5
  Replies (2) Good night (384) Bad night (225)

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