I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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