Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
