I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
