this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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