Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My vagina is very pro this idea
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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