We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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