every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer