I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.