I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home