Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
