Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
