i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
