I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
