Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
