Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
