So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
