this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
