I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
