Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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