the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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