Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
