You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
