I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
