my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
