I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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