Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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