I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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