he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
