Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
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