I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
