A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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