if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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