I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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