Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I touched a dick in church today
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
