i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
