I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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