A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
