Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
