seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
