Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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