they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
